the wedding

From the minute we decided to get married to a month ago when we arrived in Alice Springs I have been on the go... running... trying to catch my own shadow. It is only now, two months into our marriage, that I have time to think about the events of the past three months. Six months ago Nate was some guy on-line who lived in Australia that could possibly be awesome, but probably wasn’t… and I was just some girl living in Salt Lake and working for a homeless shelter.

Now we share a room, a single bed, a bathrobe and a last name. We laugh at each other’s dumb jokes… and we push each other in order to be better together. We talk about baby names and daydream about our future. I make dinner every night and he goes to work. I even iron his shirts…. I swore I would never do that. He says I can work if I want to, or I can choose not to work if that makes me happy. We read scriptures together and we pray together. Right now… in this moment… it feels perfect.

Three months ago Nate and I decided to get married. It was really fast. At that point we had only known each other for three months. In a way he was pushed… we both were. From the time we met we knew that he would leave Salt Lake for Alice Springs in April. In the beginning of our relationship he made the decision to postpone Alice Springs for a month… he originally was supposed to leave in March. He said to me, “I have a good feeling about you”. I was a bit shocked and proceeded to tell him all of my faults… not to discourage him, but because I didn’t want him to later regret his decision. What if we didn’t even continue dating through March… then he would have wasted an entire month. I also felt a lot of fear. I knew that it could happen with this person… and even though I wanted to be married… the real thing, especially with this guy, would mean my life would change significantly.

He was in Louisiana for the month of January. We talked almost every night on skype. It was good to get to know each other in that way… to just talk and talk… and still have more to talk about. It was also good for me to have a minute to think. Since July of 2009 I have been getting detailed priesthood blessings about the person I would eventually marry. I knew it was coming. Before meeting Nate, I was really excited at the prospect of some imaginary soul mate. The reality of meeting someone who actually measured up was a different story. Nate is a human with strengths and weaknesses. My imaginary soul mate was perfect for me in every way. Mr. Imaginary-Right completed my sentences and was perfect for me right now. I was not sure about the real thing, Nate, when he faced me. I talked to everyone I knew about marriage… Nate probably wasn’t thinking this far ahead. I am pretty sure he would have run the other way if he knew what was going on for me. In that month I sought the advise of anyone I respected who would give advise. A wise co-worker told me that marriage is always a gamble. Even if you know someone for years before getting married, they will change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for worse. This was probably the best advice I received. I also wasn’t sure about love. I always thought I would know my soul mate immediately and fall in love at first sight. My friend Amy Pack sent me a talk about choosing love. The talk said that love isn’t something that happens to us, it is something that you choose. The notion of “falling in love” means people can also “fall out of love” or "fall in love" with someone other than their spouse. The talk said you have to choose everyday to love. My grandmother told me that when she was growing up people got married for different reasons. She said they didn’t even think about being swept up in romance until the movies told that is how they were supposed to do it. My friend Amy Choate talked about her courtship and marriage. She said that it has taken time for her to realize just how right her husband is for her. She didn't see it at first.

I liked Nathan. I respected him. I knew he would be a good husband. I was myself with him. We were comfortable together. I just didn’t know for sure if he was 'the one'. Someone even said to me, “What? Do you want, a marriage arranged by God?”… I thought, yes…because I don’t exactly have a good dating track record. If God would hand me my husband I would appreciate that. I trust his judgment better than my own… and God did that. He handed me Nate. If I hadn’t had all of those blessings and received inspired wisdom from family and friends I would have let Nate come in and then out of my life… because change isn’t easy… and even if it is change for the better, it is the unknown… it can be scary.

I wanted an angel to come and tell me that Nathan was for me and that I was for him. I fully believe angels do that sort of thing, but an angle never came. A dream maybe… no dream. I would have been happy with an over whelming anything… but there was nothing over whelming. It was just Nate and me… and we matched… and we still match.

One night I was feeling particularly hesitant… and without mentioning my fears, Nathan initiated a beautiful intimate conversation. He is really gentle... kind... and without realizing it always he is intuitive. That is how my fears and hesitations were pushed away... When I felt fear, and he, not knowing my feelings, would say or do the right thing. He doesn’t always do or say the right thing, but so far he has when it matters.

He told me once that he felt as if he had been held back. He didn’t understand why marriage didn’t happen for him the way it did for his friends twelve years ago. His father said a few words at our luncheon. He said that he felt like Nate and I had been specifically reserved for each other. He said that if we had met at another time or place we would have missed each other. He said he felt strongly that when we met it was the right time for us to meet. All of this is true. Earl didn’t know it, but he was practically quoting my patriarchal blessing verbatim.

I started writing this because I wanted to write about our wedding day. I love that day. I always thought that I wanted to elope. I thought I didn’t want to bother with wedding fuss. I have seen family and friends stress for months over one day… and in the end…as an observer, I never notice the details… I notice the couple… either they are happy to be together or they are not. When the day actually came it was so much fun for us. Everything… everything about it exceeded expectations.

Whether or not you ever read this… I want to thank everyone who was and is excited for us. I want to thank everyone who made our wedding so memorable. I want to thank everyone who showed us love and support. Everyone that said, "If it were anyone else I would think they were crazy... but it's you Tanya... of course it would happen for you this way"... I am happy so many friends and family were able to attend. I am grateful and warmed by those who traveled. I was so happy that day… and Nate was too. We both feel nostalgic and grateful when we look at the photos. We are both really happy now... Happy to be with each other… figuring out how this marriage thing works. So far, so good.

Here are a few photos.

These are from a shower that my co-workers from The Road Home threw.
In this moment my co-worker Jared gave a toast. It almost made me cry.
Nate and I at the shower. He even missed a bit of March Madness for this shower.
A peak in the kitchen. This shower was so much fun.
I'm not sure what is going on... It might have something to do with cake.
Nate and I being serenaded by Jared. Nate doesn't know Jared well enough to appreciate this the same way that I did.
Kathrine and I being social.

Kate and her name-sake. Mindy the mama in the background.

Rachel's cute boys.Rachel... she's the one that told me marriage is always a gamble. Thanks for the advise Rach.
In this photo I am trying to explain the dress I almost wore to the wedding. This is just a week before the wedding. I ended up renting a dress 4 days before the wedding.
Rachel, Meghan and Aleisia

Our rings arrived a few days before the wedding. Nate kept joking with me that we weren't engaged because he hadn't asked me yet. One this day Nate picked me up for lunch and we had a pic-nic on Ensign Peak where he gave me a ring. My co-workers staged this photo of surprise and excitement. My hair and everything is a mess. Those few days before the wedding were stressful ones.


Nate and I messing around with photo booth. I know, it's dumb... but I love this picture.

Photos from the Wedding Day
My family. I am so happy all of my siblings made it on such short notice... and even a few of my cute nieces and nephews.
Sydney explaining to me that Samantha is off with her mom getting food.

My new family. The Maesers.

Nate playing with his new ring.






The Reception
Getting hugged by Eli and Sam Smart. I was living in Eli's backyard when she had her first birthday.

Nate's cute nieces, who are now my cute nieces.

The center pieces were made possible by the two Amy's in my life. Both had strong last names. Amy Pack, who is now Amy Pack Stephenson and Amy Choate, who is now Amy Choate Nielsen. Amy Pack-Stephenson harvested these weeds in Kansas and road tripped them to Salt Lake. Amy Neilsen's husband Jimmy hooked me up with his corporate account at a whole sale floral shop. Thank you my favorite Amy's for making our reception pretty.

My boss Erin and Alicia. Both wise women... When they speak I listen.
My friend Keri. A good friend to have.
Rigby, Weston, Samantha, Sidney and Gracie. My nieces and nephews.
A few Maeser men
I think these are transformers, but I'm probably 20 years off. My mom and my Mandy. They both were so excited for me.

Dancing with my dad to "I Will" by The Beetles. Midway though the song my dad handed me off to Nate. Nate and I awkwardly shuffled across the floor. When we were first dating Nate told me he had a dream. In this dream he and I were attempting to dance, but it was really bad because we didn't really know how to dance.
The bouquet toss. Tamra Hyde caught the bouquet. After wards she told me, "These things never work. I always catch the bouquet". I told her, "Maybe it's your attitude". She said, "You are probably right". I love Ms. Hyde!!!
Our Maeser nieces and nephews decorated the car. Unfortunately the battery died and we had to drive away in a borrowed car.
A nice man and a nice lady.