Morning Sickness

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I get it at night. This is what I do most nights. I feel bad most of the day, but really bad in the evening. I stopped working last week. I have noticed stress makes it worse.  Last Friday Nate and I went in for an ultrasound. I think I was really scared. The last time we went in for an ultrasound was the day we found out we miscarried back in October. Last Friday I felt so sick. I thought I was going to pass out. I felt so sick and scared.  I was freezing cold and shaking. When she finally tuned the monitor so that I could see our little half cheerio I calmed down right away. It was 9 mm long. It had a heart beat and the uterine wall was thick as it should be.

I just said, “Hi little guy”. I felt happy and calm. Nate kept saying, “That was really good. That was good”.  Our last baby didn’t grow past 5 weeks and a few days. So this one has made it past the first scary benchmark. I will still be worried… I think the whole pregnancy. It is almost like I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. I have dreams at night where I have miscarried. If I have a good day where I don’t feel as sick … I get worried… and I wonder if I am still pregnant.

About the sick part… maybe subconsciously I feel sick so I can convince my self all is well… but consciously I am doing every thing in my power to feel better. I have been wearing sea-bands since last week. They sort of cut off my circulation and weaken my grip, but they are supposed to help. I have a needle near my clavicle from acupuncture. I eat crackers in the morning…. and all day. I am doing anything that people say will make me feel better… except for eating well. I can’t stomach it. My favorite foods make me sick…

Hopefully baby grows and in a few months Nate and I will have a cute fat baby to share with the world.