Stupid cancer (stupid in a bad word in our house)

Hi. If you saw my Facebook or Instagram post, you are caught up... you know what we know.

How are we?

I’ve come to the conclusion that ignorance the first go-around was my super power. I was super over the top happy last time... it’s sometimes my stress go-to. This time I feel less shock and more.... dread isn’t the right word... but it’s in the same family.

Just like last time, I’m really worried about Nate and little N. Sounds like little N has a stomach bug and he’s vomited about 3 times. (He almost never pukes) he came to visit, but sat in the far corner of the room while I blew him kisses. Hopefully he will get better quickly and we can cuddle and watch Marry Poppins in French. (No, we don’t speak French... he just thinks it’s hilarious in Spanish and French). He’s a smart kid and pretty emotionally mature... he gets it when thing are heavy... so attempting to normalize his life is my biggest concern... who remembers last time this happened and   I was nursing him. Ya, that was hard too, but turned out to be one of the great miracles of our lives. Women donated enough breast milk to last almost 5 months.... still makes me cry... and my friend who took him the day they started chemo and just strait up wet-nursed him... I’ll never never forget that... and probably never think about it without tearing up.)

Now Nate. He doesn’t like the world to know his inner most’s... so I won’t speak too much for him. This is rough, and I’ve heard him say he feels like his head is swimming... which is a bad thing, b/c swimming is his kryptonite... crypto-nite (how do you spell that???)... but he’s more grounded this time,  I think. It’s such a blessing to know his family is here to support him. I think getting a blessing from his dad and being able to have the comfort of his mom is huge... but that is just my observation.. you will have to ask him how he is doing, and he will give you a vague 1/2 answer. And I vaguely 1/2 way love that about him.

I’ll write more tomorrow when we know more medical details. Thanks for your love and prayers... seriously... if you think for some reason that praying isn’t enough... it is 100% the best thing you can do!!! I mean it!

And.. I’m typing on my phone. It is so annoying... so I’m not going to even reread this for grammatical errors.. I’m a college graduate that never studied for spelling tests in the 4th grade. Turns out those tests were really important.