The Way Back

Nate and I watched this movie on Netflix called 'The Way Back'. It is based on a supposedly true story written by Slawomir Rawicz called, 'The Long Walk'. It is about a Polish political prisoner who is sentenced to 20 years in a Gulag labour camp, deep in Siberia. The hero, and a few others, escape the prison and travel by foot through Siberia, and Mongolia's Gobi desert to Tibet, and then over the the Himalayas into India... all of this after months of hard labour in the Gulag labour camp.  The truthfulness of the story has been debated, and there is evidence that disputes the hero/author's claims. There are also testimonials from people that say it happened... at any rate I am slightly obsessed with the "fictional movie, based on actual events" right now. I made my dad watch it and I spent several hours last night reading about it... which is why I know all about the controversy surrounding whether or not it happened.

(If you think you will ever watch the movie, skip to the next paragraph)
In the end the hero of the movie had to survive so that "when this is all over" (communism), he could go back to Poland and forgive his wife for falsely confessing (after torture) that he was a spy... and thus leading to his arrest and imprisonment. He said to his co-escape, "I have to survive so that I can forgive her. She will spend her life torturing herself for what she did. I have to forgive her, because she will never forgive herself". Ok, those aren't his exact words, but it's sort of what he said.

Whether or not this really happened, I am stuck on it for other reasons... It has made me think about suffering.... and how so many people in the world choose to survive in spite of their horrible situations. As a teenager I read Victor Fankl's book, 'Mans Search for Meaning'... the original title translates into English as, "Saying Yes to Life in SPite of Everything: A Psychologist Experiences the Concentration Camp"... So that kind of explains what the book is about. 'Mans Search for Meaning' and 'The Way Back' are both stories of survival... and ever since our meeting with Dr. A last Thursday I have thought a lot about life and death, and how it is a choice... realizing that this disease could kill me... it won't, of course... REALLY... but just the fact that it could, is a sobering thought... and I think about my motivations for living... because I really don't want to go through transplant with the risk of getting sick and being uncomfortable... but of course I am willing to do something that could be hard if it means surviving.

Im not freezing or starving in a labour camp... Im not transversing the Gobi desert... Im just going to the hospital where everyone is nice to me... and where people take care of me... but going into the hospital Tuesday... and knowing the risks, it still feels like a heavy heavy thing... and I think about my reasons for surviving, or choosing to live... and I think of my baby boy and his daddy. Everyone else that I love matters too, but I want to be here with them and for them. We are building a life together, and I'm not willing to go anywhere... and... besides the fact that I choose to live, I will.

My Doctor told me he is very optimistic that, "We will win this fight, the good fight against Leukemia" on account that I am young and healthy... and that I have a supportive family. He also told me about a Persian saying, "Those who are closest to God are tried by him"... (he's from Iran) Also, even though that saying is in quotes, I cant remember his exact words. Anyways... this isn't really a question of survival so much... its more about the fact that it is finally sinking in that this is real and the reality of it weighs a little on me. it's heavy.

On a lighter note, Nate took me out on Friday... We took pictures. We had a great evening... I ate duck at a fancy restaurant ... it was really good, but next time I will order the Salmon.