When my sister Mandy called me yesterday to tell me she was a match I wasn't surprised. I knew one of my siblings would match. When I texted the news to Nate, he said he had to take a minute to himself at work, because the news made him emotional. Everyone seemed to have a more grateful response to the news than me. Like I said, I knew, intuitively, that I would have a sibling match. It was just a question of who. My lack of excitement made me think that maybe I'm being ungrateful. So many people have been praying for this, and I just expected it? I haven't even really prayed for it. On one hand I never really felt afraid, anxiously awaiting match results... and on the other hand I missed out on the pleasure of feeling relieved and grateful. If it had been anyone else they would have dropped to their knees immediately to thank God for a sibling match. After talking to the case worker she told me that sometimes people with 7 and 8 siblings don't find a sibling match.
Because I know the power of gratitude, I prayed to be more grateful.
Today I have felt weak in body, but strong in spirit. I am so grateful for the miracles happening right now. Not just in my immediate little family, but my extended family as well. For Nate and I we received 'manna from heaven'. There is no other way to explain it. After applying for Social Security Disability, to help with hospital bills and little N's care 3 weeks ago, we received a deposit in our account 2 days ago. We thought it was a mistake. I called the bank, I called Social Security... it was no mistake. We were told it take 4-6 weeks to get approved, and 5 months to get the first payment. We hope that 6 months from now we won't qualify anymore, but we applied just in case. People, it just DOES NOT happen this quickly. I used to help people apply for Social Security. Even-though my diagnosis is an automatic approval, It still never happens this fast.
My parents are moving here in October and will stay as long as they need to. My mom talked to her boss about what she should do. He offered her severance pay, which was no small chunk of change, and leave for 8 months. She told me she almost cried when he told her that. People, my mom is very stoic... this is big deal. This will make their move less of a financial burden, hopefully not a financial burden at all... and will allow my parents more flexibility and time here.
And... my little sister, Mandy, just told me that her husband got a promotion he really needed and was hoping for. His new position will make it easier for Mandy to come up, if she is the final donor... and even if she isn't, she plans to come in December to help. Im not saying Im the reason he got the promotion, but it is a big blessing for their family. One they needed and it makes me so happy.
So many people are praying. You all tell me your children are praying for me. That is so sweet. It always overcomes me with gratitude when I hear about your little one's prayers. Mandy told me that her husband's work mates are praying for us. This one really made me feel good. I can imagine his tough Union buddies saying grace and praying for someone they will never meet. Mandy told me that her children's great grandfather lights candles for us at the Catholic church twice a week... and so many people are praying. I am told often, "Im praying for you". What a wonderful thing to pray for someone else. I feel so so so grateful and loved... and this experience is really showing me how connected we all are.
...and this... this... it is not just that people are praying for me, but that they are praying for someone other than themselves. 99% of my prayers are for me and my immediate family. I can only imagine how happy God is that so many people are looking outside of themselves. So many people whose faith or spiritual practices are different from mine.
The world is good. People are good. We are all connected... and I hope you all don't have to get cancer to feel the love that I feel... and the connection I feel to God and humanity.
So, when you feel helpless because you are far away, or you are close and you want to do something... your heart felt prayers are making miracles happen.
I really like this post because prayer has sometimes been such a mystery to me. It's an act of blind faith, if I can say that without blasphemy. I have always struggled with it a little bit, like, if God knows I need this, or if God knows my family or friends need this, how will my prayer impact how he responds? And why is it necessary to pray unceasingly, if he knows the intent of my heart? Quite honestly, i've struggled at times to feel like prayer is anything other than me speaking to the void... I don't always feel heard. Perhaps I don't often feel heard. More than that, I am not always aware of the impact of other people's prayers for me. One stark difference to that was when i was on my mission. On my mission, prayer felt like an actual, tangible thing, and I knew that other people's prayers for all of the missionaries were like hands that literally held me up. And I knew it because when i came home, i missed that feeling so much. So, anyway, thank you for articulating what it feels like to have so many people praying for you. We are. Z and F are - every lunch, dinner, and bed time. I know that prayer is an exercise in communication and faith. Faith to trust in God's plan, his response, and his love. I feel humbled to think of it.
ReplyDeletelove you Amy.
DeleteSo so many good things happening! I think a lot has to do with your attitude, though. You are looking for the good things and thus you are seeing them. A tough thing to do in a situation like yours!
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely inspiring for me to read every day. Thank you.
You write beautifully. It builds me up to read these and I'm sure it will build you up when you look at this in the future and remember the strength you felt at this time. Love you!
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