It has been a few days since Ive posted anything. Truth is, and you probably know, I was hit really hard with two infections back to back. I know I mentioned the high fevers, and that my doc said he was worried about me. You never know how bad something is until you get that sort of feedback. Today I was talking to the social worker and she again validated that those infections were really bad... and I haven't really mentioned the heart thing.
I want to be positive and I want to have a good attitude about this, but friends... this hospital admission has been rough. Really rough. Not just physically, but emotionally... Emotionally because now we wonder if it will be this way for the next several months. Every time I go home there is a hope and anticipation that it will be until I have to come in for consolidation chemo. So far I have spent 1 day home, then in the hospital for an infection.... and about two weeks ago I was home for 3 days before I had an infection... and as you know, this last infection really just knocked me over. Im getting better, and I know I will beat this, but the in between now and healed is starting to look like it could be a harsh road. Did I mention I talked with the social worker again today. Again, validating. She said that I was slammed in a way people are not always slammed. It was hopeful talking to her, because maybe I can have a grace period. Maybe I can have a few weeks at home infection free... without another hospital admission, until its time for consolidation chemo.
Good news, my ANC or bacteria fighting white blood cell count is up to 500. They will send me home when my bacteria fighting white cell count is at 1000. As long as Im eating, walking and not getting crazy high fevers that number increases by about 200 a day. So, hopefully by the end of this week I will be able to go home with bacteria fighting cells on my side.... and hopefully I can get the respite that my body desperately needs.
Oh... the heart thing. I will write about that. It has happened at different times in my life, my heart just starts beating really fast for a while. When it happens I stop and breath deep, and it returns to normal. Since being in the hospital it has happened about 5 times. I figure my body is under stress and so my heart responds. This admission it has happened twice, and both times lasted several hours. Long enough for the cardiology team to be called, and ekg performed and finally treatment administered. They simply put a medicine in my IV line that stops my heart for a second, and then within 5 seconds it is pumping as it should. I have had to have this done twice in the last two weeks. So, before my next round of chemo Im going to have a procedure done to correct the problem. I don't remember what the procedure is called, but I know they go through your groin to get to the heart. Really its just an electrical glitch that they will fix. They are going to wait until Im healthy enough for the procedure. Im glad to get it done, because Im not sure how hard consolidation chemo and the transplant will be on my body. It will be nice to have one less thing to worry about. .... Oh, but in the process... they pumped me full of fluids. I know I mentioned this before, but 25 lbs of fluids. I looked down at a body I didn't recognize. I was uncomfortable and stretched to what felt like my skins limit. I still have about 10-15 lbs of fluids that are slowly coming off, but it feels much better.
Ok. So that is the update. The last two weeks have been no fun... and hopefully I can go home at the end of the week.
When you pray... can you please pray that my body will resist infection. Will you please pray that my body gets the break it needs. Can you also pray that I will be able to have hope... that the fear of returning will be far from me. I love you all. Thank you for sharing this journey with me and thank you for your prayers.
That all just sucks. I am so sorry. We already started praying that you would could stay healthy and enjoy being home as you get strong enough for your transplant. We'll continue and also pray for the hope thing.
ReplyDeletethanks my dear friend! My prayers for you too!
DeleteI'll pray for those things. Also, I know you probably want to be positive and upbeat for yourself, and you probably want to have a good attitude because it's more enjoyable than a bad one, but just in case you want to have a good attitude for those of us reading your story, you should know that on any given day, be it good or bad, in the hospital or at home, you are always entitled, completely, to be mad, sad, scared, bored, frustrated, or depressed. I think a good attitude will help you be healthier faster, and you are doing a really good job at being positive -- it is inspiring, honestly. But, I think you should also give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling when you're feeling it. And if you express it, so be it. It doesn't change the fact that you are strong, even if it is hard. And it doesn't change the fact that you are inspiring, even if you are discouraged. I saw on a facebook comment to your brother that you had an infection in your stomach, your intestines? Is that right? Are you out of the woods from that yet? I love you. Is there anything else you need? Besides prayer, is there anything else we can do to help?
ReplyDeletethanks Amy, I also had a blood infection. That was the really bad one. So I had two infections at once. It was bad. Im feeling more my self today. Im listening to the Joe Purdy station on Pandora and feeling a little more like myself. Still in the hospital. Still filled with more chemicals than Id prefer. Still in a bit of a brain fog, but better.
DeleteThis all sounds stressful...your feelings are understandable, friend. Will definitely pray for your hope and a long rest at home. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you so many prayers that your body will heal, and is able to fight off any bad things that come your way. You have a beautiful spirit, and I am so honored to be a part of your life right now. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, and that all sounds so awful, and wretched. In the meantime... Stay positive, keep up the fight, and we are all here pulling for you!
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you. Glad that you keep winning each battle even though you're taking a beating. You will win the war.
ReplyDeleteThe human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it. ~C.C. Scott I read this today and thought of you Tanya :) Leukemia is strong...but YOU are stronger...you are a great fighter. I'm sorry this week has been so tough. We are praying very specific prayers for you and hope that you feel our love and support from afar. I wish we could be there to help. Glad that they can fix your heart thing so that won't bother you anymore! Hugs to you!
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