I don't even want to see the edge

My friend sunny wanted me to post more bald pictures. She thinks they are awesome. So I started taking a few and thought, this is not rock star cool. This is tired,  chapped lips , bleeding eyeball Halloween scary. But, today... I took one.    . The catch is I filtered it enough to be made public (my standards aren't that high)

The last few days have been hard. I got a strand of staff infection in my blood and was re-admitted with a 103 temp. I constantly had a fever, even with Tylenol. When my fevers were high, b/w 103 & 104 I would vomit. So for 5 days I kept having these high fevers. I Had no food in my stomach, only medicine. By Sunday morning I started to think, this really is like the movies. Until this is over I may feel more sick than not. I just held Nate's hand and said, this is really hard, isn't it? We both agreed that it was.

I thought this too... Not to be dramatic, but... I know I'm not going to die from this. Next summer is going to be the best summer of our life... But I wonder how close to the edge I will have to come. I prayed and said, 'I don't want to go any where near the edge. Not at all'.... I love reading 'near death experience' stories, but I don't want to write one. 

I'm only writing about this now because I'm feeling better today. Thanks to medicine and many heart felt prayers,  they have pinpointed the infection enough to know which antibiotics work and which don't. It's an antibiotic that I react strongly to, but they pre-med me with Tylenol, Benadryl and steroids and it seems to work.

Hopefully the fear and misery of the last few days won't be an indication for what is to come. I think it may push my next round of chemo back. My white blood cell counts are down to nothing because of the infection. They have told me they want the counts up before more chemo, but who knows. If I can swing it I'd love to spend October at home. I think it's the greatest time of the year.