So there are 90% blasts in my bone marrow. And I'm on 5 more days of chemo. I can't really wrap my head around that, but I've been hooked up to chemo since last night. I slept really well and ate a good breakfast. Even hospitals can usually turn out a great breakfast.
Especially before a big test, like the biopsy yesterday, I hope for the best. In my mind the best is that the blasts totally succumb to the chemo, and I don't have to do something uncomfortable again. ... And the ***tada**** we get to be the miracle talk of the hospital.
When the asked for miracle doest come, I have to trust there is more to learn. So, my new prayer is, 'what can I learn from this?' .... And, 'help me to learn it quickly so I can avoid as much future discomfort as possible.'
There are a few things we know. Or at least I know, that give me peace. THIS IS NOT HOW MY LIFE ENDS. I have at least one baby to raise (and if I'm lucky, more), places to go, people to meet. A very long life to live. So if this time gets discouraging, which it probably is meant to. I think... What can I learn from this?... And I hope I learn it easily.
Ideas for your next post - what is a blast? What does 90% blasts mean? do you have 90% leukemia cells in your blood? Also, i think you are inspired. you always have known just the right thing to pray for, and I think praying to learn what you need to learn -- and quickly! -- is inspired. I know you will. you have dreams and visions, you have gifts, you know. and, i laughed out loud at your post about fainting. hahaha!!! your pants were pulled up -- you are so funny. not to diminish your fainting story, but i almost passed out in yoga the other day. i came up into tadasana after uttanasana, and i got really light headed, this fuzzy sound came into my ears and i kind of feel numb in my tongue and wobble. and my teacher came and said, are you ok? and i said yes, im ok. and i don't know why i said i was ok, because i clearly wasn't. then she made me go into childs pose for the next 10 minutes. and i cried after that. i think i have hormones and things going on. and also, tadasana always makes me lightheaded. i know that fainting feeling pretty well, because i have it a lot. but anyway. your story is better. i am going to call you tomorrow. i miss you and i want to visit you. but, in the mean time, i'll call you tomorrow.
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