While walking laps in the hallway yesterday, Nate & I were stopped by a women whose here with her 10 years old son. He has AML as well. They have been in and out of the hospital for 9 months. He had a bone marrow transplant around 50 days ago. 9 months. 9 months is a long time. He has had lots of complications with infections and since his transplant. His donor was not a sibling donor. Supposedly the transplant works better with a sibling match. After talking with her Nate and I both felt a little depressed. When we don't know what could be in the future, there is nothing to fear. But, even just a glimpse of how things could look is a little scary. Im sure that mother just rolls with it and takes the punches as they come... just like we are doing right now.
I asked Nate for another blessing last night... since I have been feeling a little discouraged... realizing more and more that this thing is going to be a pretty big thing... When I think of that blessing now, I remember mention of the refiners fire... and being given this trial because it will help me be who I want to be... and who God knows I can be. Shame on me for always needing to learn through struggle.
Afterwards, Nate and I talked about the Latter-Day-Saints who were driven from Nauvoo. There next settlement after Nauvoo was Winter Quarters. Since moving to Omaha, which was once part of the Mormon settlement Winter Quarters, we have both been impressed with the hardships the saints faced here. THey probably thought, when is this going to let up already? Haven't we been through enough? There is an old Mormon grave site next to the LDS temple. Most of the graves are children and babies... It is amazing that the Saints kept going. Some didn't. Some probably felt like they couldn't go on... after all of the loss they had suffered... but many did keep going and ended up in the Salt Lake Valley. Anyways, most of you who read this already know the story... and so far Im not crossing the country barefoot after the death of a child or loved one. Im just sitting in this hospital bed... enjoying my Sunday.
Tanya, that makes me think of this scripture: D&C 58: 2-4 "For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven. Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand." And, listening to you talk about your experience, I bet that you would add that blessings don't only come after tribulation, but also during. Still, you are such a good example to me. You are doing it.
ReplyDeleteAmy, Im trying... and that is all I can do... I do get discouraged. Im starting to realize what a long hard road this will probably be... but... with that... thinking like that just feels bad... So, I have to keep praying that I will keep doing it... one day at a time. I hope the blessings will come during... and they are. For example, I get to see the best that people have to offer through their service... Service that we need. I love that scripture. I remember applying it to the misery of being single forever.... I still think that was harder than this... At least in this Im surrounded by the love of my little family... and everyone beyond that too.
DeleteI just got done writing in my journal about my time with you and our blanket stepping. It was special, even sacred for me (hopefully for you too). Thank you, friend. I celebrate who you are and am excited for who you will become. Thank you for sharing your journey.
ReplyDeleteThanks Amy. It was sacred. My hair is starting to fall out for real now. Im glad we shaved it when we did... and that you were with me... and that we did it with intention.
DeleteTanya, I received your blog from my dad, who works with your dad. I have caught up on your story. My daughter was diagnosed with AML a little over two years ago. I am happy to report last weekend was 2 years since that last little bit of chemo went into her little body and she is doing great. Just started first grade today. Anyways although I dont know what it is like to go through this yourself I have experienced all of this through my daughter. As I was reading all of your posts, I understand the figuring out the logistics of it all...you know you have to make this work, you just are not sure how! Reading all of your posts I feel for you. I just want you to know I am thinking of you, and praying for you. I so admire your ability to write about all of this, and your ability to keep such an eternal positive perspective on all of this. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteWow. Thank you. I am doing the best that I can to keep and eternal positive perspective, but as you probably know it's hard. Especially since we are only 3 weeks into this... and thinking 6 months, or 9 months down the road seems like forever... Forever to be away from home and my little boy. Thank you for your prayers!... and Im so glad your little girl is moving forward with her life and starting the 1st grade. How lucky you are to be on the other side of AML.
DeleteI think it's really hard when you don't have a time frame. Not knowing how long, is hard. Sometimes if we know how long our trial will be, makes it a lot easier because we can pace ourselves. Not knowing is scary. There's no pacing. Just taking each day as it comes.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you! Keep up the good work and know you will be able to meet all of your challenges, for a long time, or a short time, whichever might be needed.